Question Answer Animal Money Jokes

What happened
when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was money in the kitty.

Why is a cat like a penny?
Because it has a head
on one side
and a tail on the other.

What dog has money?
A bloodhound,
because he is always picking up (s)cents.

What’s the difference
between a pigeon and a tramp?
The pigeon can put
a deposit on a Porsche.

Quick Financial One Liner Jokes

The market is weird.
Every time one guy sells,
another one buys,
and they both think
they’re smart.

Cartoon: Business meeting discusses bar chartWe succeeded in turning around the business … just in the wrong direction.

What’s another name
for long term investment?
A failed
short term investment!

A study of economics
usually reveals
that the best time
to buy anything
was last year.

An economist
is an expert
who will know tomorrow
why the things
he predicted yesterday
didn’t happen today.

Why did God
create stock analysts?
In order to make
weather forecasters
look good.

Where should I
invest my money?
Put it on booze.
Where else
you get forty percent?

Who was the world’s
first stock broker?
Noah – He floated his stock
while the world
was in liquidation.

An investor
to his advisor:
Is really all my money gone?
No, of course not.
It’s just with somebody else!

Poldark knitted figures ‘go global’

Ross Poldark topless holding a scythe, next to a knitted version

The cast of the hit BBC One drama Poldark have been re-created as woollen knitted figures that are selling all over the world, the woman behind the dolls has said.

The characters are the creation of Poldark superfan and knitting addict Angela Blay, 50, who has sold about 70.

Programme-maker Mammoth Screen said it was very pleased the cast had “inspired such creativeness”.

Ms Blay, from Suffolk, said what started as a hobby was now her day job.

Knitted Ross and Demelza Poldark embracing at the base of a tree

The music teacher first made a woollen Ross Poldark – played by Aidan Turner – when the first series aired in March 2015, peaking with 9.4 million viewers.

Ms Blay has since been inundated with requests on social media for the dolls, selling them across the UK and as far away as the US, Canada, Australia and Tasmania.

Crooked cash courier caught with £100k

A criminal cash courier from Coventry has been handed a suspended prison sentence for money laundering, after he was caught in a car with more than £100,000 in used bank notes.

Enwar Fettah, 50, was approached by investigators from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) as he sat in a Mercedes 4×4 in a deserted area of an industrial estate in Edmonton, north London, at 9.30pm on 22 November 2016.

During a search of the vehicle, HMRC officers found £100,970 inside two brand new laptop bags that still had price tags attached. Fettah told officers he had been offered £120 to drop the money off by a man he didn’t know.

Paul Fisher, Assistant Director, Fraud Investigation Service, HMRC, said:

“Fettah was effectively working as a criminal courier. He says he was paid £120, but is now paying a much higher price. People involved in money laundering help to fund the illegal activities of organised crime gangs.

“We will not hesitate to seize proceeds of crime and investigate anyone involved. I would urge anyone with information about this type of crime to report it to HMRC online, or call our Fraud Hotline on 0800 788 887.”


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HMRC late payment interest rates to be revised after Bank of England rate rise

The Bank of England Monetary Policy Committee voted unanimously to increase the Bank of England base rate to 0.75%  (2 August 2018).

HMRC interest rates are linked to the Bank of England base rate and, as a consequence of the change, HMRC interest rates for late payment will be increased.

These changes will come into effect on:

  • 13 August 2018 for quarterly instalment payments
  • 21 August 2018 for non-quarterly instalment payments

Repayment interest rates remain unchanged.

Talks to avert South Western Railway strike collapse

Strike notice

A fourth 24-hour strike over the role of guards on South Western Railway (SWR) is set to go ahead on Saturday after talks broke down.

The company said talks with the Rail, Maritime and Transport union (RMT) failed to reach a resolution.

A SWR statement said the union had failed to accept the same terms agreed on another franchise.

However the RMT said that “did not represent” what it had been told and it remained available for further talks.